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HOW I DID
IT:
"This time I played everything. I'd had the idea to do
this "concept" thing for about five years. It was always called "New
Year's Eve" and was always about someone trying to kill himself by jumping
from a tall building on New Year's Eve. The actual story varied and
strayed through about three or four drafts, but I always had the main
theme and a couple of the other songs, too. I just never actually got it
together enough to pull off recording it. It's an ambitious idea, and I
thought it would be a major commitment. Turns out all I needed was three
weekends.
I got laid off from my job working at a Christian
college. They gave me two-months' notice (which is actually pretty
generous, as some of you unfortunately know). I got really depressed and
started playing my guitar. Then I remembered the "NYE project" and that in
one of the drafts, the main character was a college employee who got laid
off. Seemed natural to work on it again. So I started laying down guitar
parts. I'd had all these progressions and melodies floating around in my
head, and I finally started demoing them. Then I started adding more and
more instruments. After a few weeks, I'd finished the whole damn
thing all by myself. This is by FAR the quickest I've ever completed a
record. And what's more, I'm pretty proud of it. I even played all of the
piano and drum parts myself!
Of course, in my typical nature, I
then "shelved" the final mix until I "had time to think about it" and it
gathered dust for about a year. Couldn't be helped. That's just my way.
Dug it up recently, re-listened to it, decided to keep it a "mono" mix
because I felt like it fit with the feel of the music, and now it's here,
it's free, and it's all yours.
I hope you like it, and I hope it
sends a message the life is worth living and suicide, though interesting
from an artistic standpoint, is dumb. If you are considering suicide,
please consider contacting a trusted friend, family member, or member of
the clergy; or conversely contacting one of the suicide prevention
websites/hotlines noted on this page."
-Derek
A few notes, song by song:
"New Year's Eve" -
The title track. This was the very first track I wrote for the record. It
was heavily influenced by Michael Penn's "Mr. Hollywood Jr." especially
the song "Walter Reed." I don't think it's very apparent anymore though.
It took on its own life, and I'm pretty proud of it. This is the song that
started it all, and was the one I kept drifting back to when I had doubts
about the project and each time I did a re-write. Kept me going.
Thematically, it just sets the stage and places us at the start of a New
Year. Things are about to get sad...so settle
in.
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"Left it All" - This is the "divorce" song
of the project. It moves the plot forward, but I also think it's kind
of catchy. Little secret for those who keep tabs on my career...the
background music was different originally. I'd decided to abandon the project
at one point and I harvested a few of the riffs for other songs. The
original guitar part for this song became "Please" on my "Out from the
Light" record. When I returned to the project, I had to completely
re-write it. Worked out pretty well, I
think.
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"Letting You
Go" - When I first wrote this
song, it wasn't going to be related to the "NYE" project. It was just a
bummed-out break-up song. Needed something like that for this story, so I
re-shaped it a little until it fit. Plus, it gave me an opportunity to
break out the harmonica.
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"Nothing Stays the
Same"
- This was also an early tune. It didn't change much from the first
writing that I did, except in feel. All the notes are exactly the same as
when I wrote it...but transferred to the organ and with all the drums, it
became a lot more up-tempo and upbeat. I'm glad that happened. It's one of
my favorites. By means of the plot, this one is just meant to express that
"Chris" is deeply depressed to the point of sleeping all day and wanting
to escape. Musically, it's one of the first real chances I gave myself to
go background-vocal-crazy. This one really shaped the overall musical vibe
of the record and also developed a lot of the mindset of the main
character.
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"Only the Memory" - I go back and
forth between thinking the lyrics to this are great and thinking that
they're silly. Presently, I think they're great. I particularly like the
"you can have me with your coffee" line, as well as the "sometimes this
room starts making me crazy and I wish I could shut it up" line. Those two
lines really tie in well to the short-story and create a cool reference
point for people who've read it. ...and presently, the line about the cat
is one of my favorite things I've written. By way of the plot, this one is
pretty clearly the "tipping point." He's decided to write the note. He's
thought about how/if he'll be missed. He has a plan. It's getting darker.
(As a side note, this is also notable as the only song on the record that
features an ELECTRIC guitar part. Bet you didn't notice that until I
pointed it out.
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"Gone" - This one is OFFICIALLY
dark. He's saying his goodbyes. He's headed out the window. As far as he's
concerned, life is over. I like the sparse, creepy vibe to this one. I
like that I basically used the bass guitar as the lead instrument. I like
the weird effects at the end. I'm just really happy with it. But, here's
something you might find interesting. This song wasn't originally about
suicide. When I first started writing it, I thought I was writing a song
about autism. Then it ended up being in this project, I changed a few
lines, and it works really well. Guess I'll leave writing about autism to
Pete Townshend.
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"Falling" - Let me just start by
saying that this is my FAVORITE track on the record, and I think it's one
of the best things I've written in a long, long time. I REALLY flexed my
"harmony" muscles in the background vocals. (I'm singing a SIXTH above the
melody in the chorus at one point! Seriously...that's a high note!) I did
all of the background vocals with absolutely NO digital manipulation and
considering that I was smoking pretty heavily at this point, I'm pretty
proud of that. It really ended up being a pretty song...pity that at this
point in the plot, "Chris" is jumping out of a window, plummeting toward
the roof of a van. Meh.
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"Make Something of Myself"
- With no real lyrical explanation (hence the story that you
should read), Chris has survived and wants to turn his life around. I like
this one. I wish I could have made a background vocal work on it though. I
did several attempts... I don't know if it's because it follows the
multi-harmony effort of "Falling" or if I just couldn't write anything
that worked...but I just couldn't make it happen. Everything I tried
sounded way too ethereal and creepy for the feel of the song. Oh well. It
works just fine without it.
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"Suspended" - This is
so-named because it's written based around an A-sus chord ("sus" =
Suspended). It also works out REALLY well theologically, though. In a
courtroom setting, if a judge declares a guilty party to have a
"suspended" sentence, that means that the accused is found completely
guilty...but there will be no punishment. The punishment is forgiven and
the party can go on living. I like to think about God as assigning
suspended sentences to us in our religious lives. It's a nice thought.
Completely guilty, but completely forgiven... I like that. Musically, I
like how the spoken word religious-speak turned out. I went with a lot of
Catholic imagery, even though I'm not Catholic myself. I made the
CHARACTER Catholic early on. I've actually got a TON of respect for the
Catholic faith, and the people that genuinely practice it. It takes a lot
of discipline, and to live it out you've really got to WANT it. With that
kind of commitment, the guilt someone in the shoes of the main character
would feel would be gigantic...thereby making the forgiveness all-the-more
wonderful. As for why I went with it being three months since his last
confession...well...I don't know. Sounded just long enough that he might
have gotten out of the hospital and gone to see a priest. Just roll with
it, okay?
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"Epilogue" - I wanted to recall the
"NYE Theme" to bookend it...but I also wanted to end on a religious
note--a hymn. "Wonderful Words of Life" is one of my favorite hymns. I, of
course, claim no credit for writing that part. The writer of that hymn is
Philip P. Bliss and his work was great. The song's in the public domain,
so I could use it--which was really lucky because I didn't check that out
until after I'd started working on it, and I'd fallen in love with ending
that way! At the end of the song, you hear some odd noises. What are they?
Is that a chair squeaking at the end? Did Chris just get up and turn off
the stereo? Did he relapse and kick a chair out from under himself with a
rope around his neck? Was this an intentional cliff-hanger, or did I just
not bother editing it out and ended up thinking it sounded cool? Your
call. I like the mystery, don't you?
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...and
that's it.
Seriously, though...suicide's stupid and selfish, and if you do it
you're kind of a dick. So don't. My deepest sympathies to anyone who has
had to survive the selfishness of someone they love taking the ultimate
reckless step. You have my most heartfelt apologies should any of the
subject matter bother you.
Back to the
NYE page
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